SPRING IS HERE!

Spring in my kitchen window! (Please ignore the filthy glass. Thank you.)

Oh, baby! The weather has finally warmed up, the world is starting to turn green again, and I feel GREAT!

Well, ok, I feel emotionally great, which is a pretty big deal. I don't know if it's all the vitamin D my skin has been soaking up this past week, but I just plain feel POSITIVE about life! My hormones were FAR more stable last month (NO PMS!) and last week we met with our soon-to-be next door neighbors. I'm so excited for them to move in at the end of the month! They have two little boys the same age as my goobs, and I foresee a little Lucy & Ethel style shenanigans in my own future...

I've also been able to get started on the garden. If you remember my tomato debacle last summer, you know that I have to break new ground in order to grow anything this year. In addition, my new eating habits have me buying GOBS of fresh vegetables. This is putting a huge strain on the food budget, so I'm hoping to ease that by growing some of my own.

There's another reason I'm growing my own veg this year. Over the last few weeks, I have come to realize that I am ridiculously sensitive to even minute traces of corn. The slightest amount causes joint inflammation, disorientation, headaches, and exhaustion.

My Arch-Nemesis... dang, that looks delicious.

If you think dairy and gluten are tough to avoid, wait til you try cutting out ALL corn. It's in EVERYTHING! Modified food starch, dextrose, citric acid... all of these ingredients are most likely derived from corn. Citric acid was an especially frustrating, although enlightening, find. I've known for a while that Hunt's Garlic & Herb tomato sauce affected me, but couldn't figure out why. The ingredients all looked clean. I started avoiding it and cooking with plain diced tomatoes or tomato sauce. Much to my confusion, I was STILL reacting to foods. Finally, two weeks ago, I realized that the ONE common ingredient (besides tomatoes, duh) was citric acid. Although it can come from other sources, in America it's typically made from corn! Since then I have scoured store shelves for a citric acid-free canned tomato product. Nothing. Even the organic brands boast a "naturally derived" citric acid, but I hardly trust that vague distinction. Looks like I'm going to have to can my own tomatoes in order to have a product I can trust.

As of that wasn't a big enough kick in the stones, just last week I found another product I can't have. I was getting a pretty big headache one day, despite eating nothing but pbj on grain free bread. The bread? Totally safe, I made it from scratch. Peanut butter? I only buy Krema brand, which has one ingredient. Jelly? It was my homemade apple peel jelly (still one of my favorites!). Let's see, the jelly had apple peels, tap water, white sugar, a small amount of spices and... pectin. Uh, oh. I checked a box of pectin, and sure enough, the first ingredient was dextrose, a corn-derived sugar. All those jellies and jams I canned up last summer? Can't have them. At all. After all the love and effort that went into them, this was seriously depressing. Thank GOD I also have apple butter, which does not contain pectin. It has become my one sweet treat.

Now, I know there are people who might be saying, "come on, the amount of corn that would actually be in an entire batch of jelly, never mind a jar, never mind a sandwich, can't possibly be affecting you!" If you're saying that, you're in good company, because even my dear, supportive Hubby is having trouble grasping just how sensitive I am. Some days, I worry that I look like a hypochondriac, even though there is no denying the physical effects I feel. I have eaten foods without carefully reading labels, and just by how I felt 15 minutes later I could tell you there was something in it I can't have. So, doubt me if you like, I would certainly do the same in your shoes, but my body is shouting loud and clear to lose ALL corn products.

There's always an up side!

On to more positive news, my sudden burst of positivity (and a clean kitchen) has me finally tackling the problem of an adequate diet. Cooking 100% grain and dairy free is a real challenge, especially when you have a normal-eating husband and two kids to feed as well. Virtually everything that passes my lips has to be made from scratch, and I'm even picky about what brand of chicken I buy. (many are injected with "broth" to enhance flavor, but there's no telling what's in the broth. My biggest question is, how lousy does the meat taste that you have to inject flavor?!) I am tinkering with quite a few recipes, and when I finally get the results I'm looking for I will be sharing them here. I'm also completely out of the habit of menu planning, and want to get back in to that.

Speaking of planning, I am also working on getting my household binder back up and running. I developed a pretty good system that, potentially, could work very well for me. It's going to take some effort, because my schedule is going to get very busy very soon. AC will finally be getting in to speech therapy, starting next week! I can't wait! Although he's much better than he was a year ago, he could still use the help. What I'm NOT looking forward to is the drive. Twice a week, an hour away. Yuck. I did find out that there's a Whole Foods very close to the therapy building, and since I've never been to one I think I'll be making a stop after AC's appointment. Mommy needs field trips, too!

Ok, enough chatter for today. Maybe next post I will get around to showing you my progress in the garden. To save money I am tilling up the whole thing by HAND! Not an easy task, but I am actually enjoying the exercise! I love SPRING!

Resolutions or Goals?

Ah, the ever popular "New Year's Resolution" post! I read another blogger recently who said she preferred "goals" over "resolutions." After thinking about it, I heartily agree with her. Resolutions are concrete, unshakeable decisions that MUST happen in their entirety to be considered a success (government being a notable exception-in-denial).

On the other hand, a goal is something that you have chosen to move toward in the coming year. It is something you want and have chosen to pursue. Your year can be seen as a success so long as you have actively PURSUED your goal. If you achieve it, hooray for you! But life was not designed to function within 1 year increments. If your "resolution" is to lose 50 lbs and you only lose thirty, you failed your resolution. Those hard-fought 30 lbs are inadequate, because you failed in your "resolve." BUT, if your GOAL is to lose 50 and you make it to 30, then you have made terrific progress!

Yes, many people see success in what they accomplished, but they still know that their resolution was unfulfilled. Despite the concreteness of their resolve in January, by November they have redefined the word "resolution" to mean: "a good idea I had while drinking champagne and wearing a party hat."

Perhaps this is just semantics, but I also see it as realism. I KNOW I'm not going to be perfect at maintaining house this year, much less this month. I want to strive for it, but why put the unneeded pressure on myself to achieve perfection? I will become frustrated and angry as I fight against my flaws. I am an imperfect being. But, the greatest mark of a person is to always yearn for and seek out perfection.

Some people reject the idea of a New Year resolution BECAUSE they fail every year. I think this is very unfortunate. Humans love nothing more than to chase after something. However, many people give up chasing because they are already convinced they will fail. We cannot grow if we never risk failure.

I want to be MORE than what I am, and yet I also know that I fail daily. How can I overcome this? One way is to focus not just on the end goal, but on the CHASE! Part of the thrill of love is to pursue your beloved. If we embraced our yearly goals the same way, we could see ourselves grow in incredible ways! We would learn the lessons of perseverance, patience, determination, ingenuity, humility, and many more. Each lesson refines us from WITHIN, and each one gives us the strength and skill to continue. I may not keep a perfect house by next January, but I pray that I will be at least one step closer. And really, isn't being one step closer better than never even trying?

In short, I think that calling it a resolution is to say: "I WILL achieve you!" However when I have a goal, I say: "I want you, and I'm willing to pursue you for as long as it takes to finally embrace you!" Doesn't that sound far more attainable, not to mention happier, than the resolution? Despite acknowledging that we will frequently struggle, we embrace the challenge with passion! It is no longer a fight, but a dance!

And now, I am off to make myself a small list of GOALS for this coming year. Well, perhaps I'll make it after I clean something. It can be one of the things I get to cross off the list as soon as I write it down. I love those.