Goodbye, Rooster Sauce

Oh, you wicked rooster, why do you hate me? photo credit

Whoops! February got away from me. I suppose I should check in on my dairy/grain free attempt. I've actually spent the last week with a head cold, which is making this whole "pay attention to your health" thing rather difficult. If my spelling or grammar is erratic, this is why. I no think good right now.

So far, I have learned that there are far more things I am sensitive to than i realized! In fact, I'm struggling to be sure that even ruling out grain and dairy is enough. I've had more down days than up these past few weeks, but the two truly good days I had were enough for me to realize how much I am affected on a daily basis. I'm pretty sure I have an issue with corn, and I'm 90% sure (but not willing to test the 10%) that I have a strong reaction to xanthan gum (which, if you didn't know, is derived from corn).

What kind of reaction? In short, I get a little stoned. Yes, you read that right. The longer I pay attention to my diet and my body, the more I have been able to identify my symptoms. The two times I had xanthan gum recently, within half an hour I became extremely tired and slightly disoriented. My eyes were heavy and I often had to blink to get them to re-focus. After thinking about it, this is what I feel like nearly every single day! I  am perpetually struggling to think clearly and linearly, to the point that most days I can only attend to the boys' basic needs. There have been far too many times in the past year when I was out driving and felt slightly... un-focused, I guess. It's hard to describe. I never understood why, it's not like I drink or have any other issue that would cause impairment. Prior tests said there was nothing wrong with my blood pressure or blood sugar, so I could rule that out. There was never an instance where I thought I was unable to handle the vehicle or navigate traffic, so I never worried for my safety. But still, I could tell I was not fully "aware," if you will.

Being able to attribute this to a food reaction has really opened my eyes (pun intended) to how careful I need to be with my food intake. The second time I accidentally ate xanthan gum, I found it at the bottom of the list of ingredients on my beloved Rooster Sauce! And I had only eaten MAYBE a teaspoon TOPS. Whether I am simply more sensitive to the xanthan form of corn or all corn, I don't know. Clearly, I will need to make sure even minute traces are out of my diet if I hope to see improvement.

Has all this diet fuss been worth it? Yes and no(ish). Because I seem to react to each food differently, I would never be able to identify them all without peeling back each layer one at a time. My only frustration is that I did NOT get that three-day turnaround that I got last time I went gluten free. In fact, every day seems to be a roller coaster of clear moments and pure exhaustion. As careful as I have tried to be, I will still find myself reacting to meals that should be safe, and what's worse, I don't know which of the 5+ ingredients are the culprit!

I'm starting to think an elimination diet would be worth the frustration. I've contemplated an elimination diet before, in fact GAPS Intro is very much like an elimination diet. Each time I have considered it, I have always talked myself out of it, and I know why. It has been so complicated, expensive, and isolating to cut out grains and dairy, that I absolutely DREAD cutting out any more foods. It's all I can do to feed myself right now, but to take more of my building blocks away would be devastating! What if it's coconut? Or tapioca starch! (my go-to grain sub right now) Or worse, what if I lose eggs????

I know, I know. The truth is, whether I know that a food upsets me or not doesn't change the fact that it is affecting my health. It simply pushes me to act accordingly if I want to be healthy. And that's what it all comes down to. Do I want to FINALLY be healthy, energetic, clear-headed, and HAPPY? YES!!! A million times, yes! Well then, Maria, you are going to have to accept the difficult task of MAKING IT HAPPEN. Nothing good can come without sacrifice.

Resolutions or Goals?

Ah, the ever popular "New Year's Resolution" post! I read another blogger recently who said she preferred "goals" over "resolutions." After thinking about it, I heartily agree with her. Resolutions are concrete, unshakeable decisions that MUST happen in their entirety to be considered a success (government being a notable exception-in-denial).

On the other hand, a goal is something that you have chosen to move toward in the coming year. It is something you want and have chosen to pursue. Your year can be seen as a success so long as you have actively PURSUED your goal. If you achieve it, hooray for you! But life was not designed to function within 1 year increments. If your "resolution" is to lose 50 lbs and you only lose thirty, you failed your resolution. Those hard-fought 30 lbs are inadequate, because you failed in your "resolve." BUT, if your GOAL is to lose 50 and you make it to 30, then you have made terrific progress!

Yes, many people see success in what they accomplished, but they still know that their resolution was unfulfilled. Despite the concreteness of their resolve in January, by November they have redefined the word "resolution" to mean: "a good idea I had while drinking champagne and wearing a party hat."

Perhaps this is just semantics, but I also see it as realism. I KNOW I'm not going to be perfect at maintaining house this year, much less this month. I want to strive for it, but why put the unneeded pressure on myself to achieve perfection? I will become frustrated and angry as I fight against my flaws. I am an imperfect being. But, the greatest mark of a person is to always yearn for and seek out perfection.

Some people reject the idea of a New Year resolution BECAUSE they fail every year. I think this is very unfortunate. Humans love nothing more than to chase after something. However, many people give up chasing because they are already convinced they will fail. We cannot grow if we never risk failure.

I want to be MORE than what I am, and yet I also know that I fail daily. How can I overcome this? One way is to focus not just on the end goal, but on the CHASE! Part of the thrill of love is to pursue your beloved. If we embraced our yearly goals the same way, we could see ourselves grow in incredible ways! We would learn the lessons of perseverance, patience, determination, ingenuity, humility, and many more. Each lesson refines us from WITHIN, and each one gives us the strength and skill to continue. I may not keep a perfect house by next January, but I pray that I will be at least one step closer. And really, isn't being one step closer better than never even trying?

In short, I think that calling it a resolution is to say: "I WILL achieve you!" However when I have a goal, I say: "I want you, and I'm willing to pursue you for as long as it takes to finally embrace you!" Doesn't that sound far more attainable, not to mention happier, than the resolution? Despite acknowledging that we will frequently struggle, we embrace the challenge with passion! It is no longer a fight, but a dance!

And now, I am off to make myself a small list of GOALS for this coming year. Well, perhaps I'll make it after I clean something. It can be one of the things I get to cross off the list as soon as I write it down. I love those.

Maria Thinks Stuff -If you don't love it...

I've been testing out a few cleaning recipes lately and have been amazed at my new-found passion for cleaning house. Normally, I am a downright awful housewife. I despise the monotony of household chores, and hate hate hate those pesky chores that never seem to go away. You know, the ones like dishes and laundry that seem to pile up seconds after you get done with them.

Oh, how I loathe dishes. My dream house will have five dishwashers. And I will name them Anthony, Rocco, Rosalie, Carmen, and Pete.

Just kidding on Pete.

All this voluntary cleaning got me thinking, what is it about the homemade cleaners that make me actually WANT to clean? I find that just looking at the cleaning bottle gives me a sense of pleasure. Between the novel glass bottle, bright homemade label, and perky orange nozzle, I find myself looking for excuses to use it. It attracts me aesthetically. There's also a sense of accomplishment that I'm able to fill my needs with my own creativity, instead of simply buying a quick fix. The cleaner recipe itself adds appeal because I can customize it with different essential oils every time I make a batch. The various citrus or herbal scents add aromatic appeal and allow me to change it up on a whim.

I just realized I'm waxing poetic over GLASS CLEANER! Wow. I didn't think that was possible, and I don't know if it was necessary. I shall move on.

I Have to Love It!

It finally dawned on me as I stared at the bottle for the umpteenth time. I love the cleaner (well, the bottle more than the cleaner, but that's a topic for another post). The cleaner makes me happy, and so I am more apt to pick it up and use it. This revelation excited me. I have spent the last few years trying to push myself into accepting that housework is misery and I need to suck it up and get it done. Maybe, just maybe, it doesn't have to be miserable. Perhaps I have found a clue to solving my housecleaning misery! It's not enough to make myself a chore list and trudge through. I have to make it challenging and beautiful. I have to love it.

The closer I looked at my life, the more I saw how my environment was fostering my "housework misery." For all of our nearly-four years of marriage, our finances have been exceptionally tight. I have never decorated our home because I couldn't justify spending money on decorative stuff. All of our furniture is second-hand and showing it's age.  Our couch is wearing thin and there are holes and stains on every cushion. It's no wonder I don't bother to clean the dang thing, I view it as a piece of junk! I don't love it, so I don't feel any desire to take care of it. This same sense of apathy applies to nearly every part of my home.

Now, don't get me wrong here, I'm not bemoaning my financial state or complaining about my lack of nice stuff. I'm actually pretty content with my life. I grew up in a frugal family, so living sparsely doesn't make me feel like I am sacrificing anything. Sure, I dream of the day we can buy a big house and fill it with lovely things, but I don't obsess over what I don't have. I simply make do with what I have to work with. We couldn't afford a new couch without accumulating debt, so there's no point in thinking about it.

Somewhere along the way, I went from contentedly making do with what I have to not caring if it got worse. At some point I stopped trying to keep my possessions in good condition and decided that "one more hole/scuff/stain" was no big deal. But 234,623,236 stains later, I have a heap of junk that will never look nice and I begin to despise the state of my home. I've come to realize that I have to change the way I think about housework and home life. I need to take more pride in my home, either by adding things (decor, etc.) that please me or by learning to love and appreciate what I already have, despite it's lack of aesthetic or functional appeal.

Caring for Your Home Fills Another Need

Being a full-time housewife and stay-at-home mother can often mean that you have fewer opportunities to challenge yourself mentally. No, psychological warfare with a two year old doesn't count as a mental challenge. We need to be presented with a puzzle and be able to tackle it until we find an answer; we need that satisfaction of having conquered a challenge. Many women thrive on creativity, as well as surrounding themselves with beauty. There is something to be said for satisfying your need for aesthetic pleasure. It can heighten your mood and calm you down. The day-to-day monotony of diapers, dishes, cooking, and child-wrangling doesn't offer many opportunities to flex the mind or find aesthetic pleasure. At least, not at first glance.

Searching to fill that need, we are left with two choices. We can either look outside the home to find our challenge, or we can find the challenges in our home life. Many wives and mothers have found activities outside the home to satisfy the itch. For my part, going outside the home is impractical right now. Heck, just going to Walmart AND Aldi in the same shopping trip is a challenge! My only alternative, then, is to allow my daily work to inspire me and challenge me.

Housework bores me because I view it as the awful thing I have to get done before I can have fun. But what if I could make the housework fun? What if I can find ways to utilize my personal skills in my every day tasks? This could satisfy my need for mental exercise, creativity, and aesthetic pleasure, as well as give me the motivation to maintain a well-kept home.

My Personal Goal

From now on, I'm going to try to keep three things in mind.

1. Change or add things into my home that encourage me to love it.
2. Learn to love the things I cannot change right now.
3. As I go about my daily tasks, think of reasons to appreciate the object I'm working on.

I have a feeling I will quickly latch on to the "change or add things" part and overlook the harder part. My biggest challenge will be learning to appreciate what I have, no matter it's condition or appeal.  Until I learn to appreciate what I have, and strive to take pride in it, then I will fall into the rut of constantly buying or making new things in an effort to find happiness. I plan on printing out my new mantra and posting it where I will be reminded regularly.

So hit me up with some ideas, what do you do that encourages you to love and care for your home?