Harbingers of Spring and Violet Syrup

La Violette de Mars, otherwise known as the Common Violet.

SPRING! Spring spring spring! Have I mentioned how excited I am about SPRING? Yes? Well then, I'll only mention it once more... SPRING!!!

The world is only just turning green here, a full month later than last year. One of the plants I am watching for are the sweet little violets that blanket my backyard every spring. Last year they were even more robust than usual. As is my tendency when I find a resource in abundance, I soon began wondering how I could take advantage of nature's bounty. The first thing to pop up, and the only thing I had an opportunity to try, was violet syrup. Not only is this unique floral syrup a treat for your tea or pancakes, but it can also be helpful for coughs and other medicinal needs. As a matter of fact, the leaves are also medicinally useful, but that's a post for another day. For now, check out this post on Common Sense Homesteading for a good rundown. One of my latest passions is herbal medicine, so you will certainly be seeing more about it in the coming months.

The violet syrup was easy enough to make. I followed the recipe on Life's a Lasagna, with some minor alterations. First, I had to gather about 4 cups of blossoms. Yes, this takes forever, but on a beautiful spring day I'll jump at the chance to sit in the sunshine for an hour. I packed all the blossoms in a quart canning jar, poured 2 cups of boiling water over top, then let it sit to steep overnight. What happens next is... downright magical. The color from the petals quickly seeps out, and the water will turn the most unbelievably gorgeous blue that I have ever seen. I wish I had gotten a picture, but I was feeling sick that day and forgot.

In fact, I ended up coming down with a 104*F fever that lasted a full five days. Instead of steeping overnight, my blossoms steeped for a week. Thankfully, I'd had the forethought to stick the jar in the fridge after the first day. After such a long steep, the brilliant blue had changed to a deep, DEEP amethyst. So beautiful!

Now, this next step is where I differed from Ms. Lasagna's recipe. You see, the brilliant color of the violets is very sensitive to heat and changes in ph. Both the heating of the liquid and the lemon juice called for in many recipes turns the brilliant blue (or purple, in my case) to a vibrant fuchisa pink. While beautiful in it's own right, I much preferred the color I started with. So, this is what I decided to do. First, I ditched the lemon juice. It's only there to add a touch of flavor and acidify it for canning (which I didn't do, I froze it), and it's the acidity more than anything that changes the color.

Look at that color!

Next, I decided to heat my syrup double-boiler style. I set my 4 cup glass measuring cup in a pan of water, poured the strained violet water into the measuring cup, and added 2 cups of white sugar (any other sugar would probably overpower the delicate violet flavor, but any sugar will work). I initially used the double boiler so it would be easier to pour the syrup into bottles, but a fortunate side effect was that I was able to gently heat the syrup just until all the sugar dissolved. Much to my delight, this process preserved every bit of the amethyst color!

It actually looks more like the above picture, but I love the color in this shot!

 I then decanted my springtime treasure into bottles and stuck most in the freezer. Sadly, I think I still have two down there. I really didn't use the syrup much, but then I really didn't know HOW to use it.That's not the case anymore, as I have expanded my knowledge of edible and medicinal plants. I'm contemplating trying to make violet candy this year, or possibly violet jelly. Either way, the coming onslaught of nature's jewels will only increase my excitement for spring!

SPRING IS HERE!

Spring in my kitchen window! (Please ignore the filthy glass. Thank you.)

Oh, baby! The weather has finally warmed up, the world is starting to turn green again, and I feel GREAT!

Well, ok, I feel emotionally great, which is a pretty big deal. I don't know if it's all the vitamin D my skin has been soaking up this past week, but I just plain feel POSITIVE about life! My hormones were FAR more stable last month (NO PMS!) and last week we met with our soon-to-be next door neighbors. I'm so excited for them to move in at the end of the month! They have two little boys the same age as my goobs, and I foresee a little Lucy & Ethel style shenanigans in my own future...

I've also been able to get started on the garden. If you remember my tomato debacle last summer, you know that I have to break new ground in order to grow anything this year. In addition, my new eating habits have me buying GOBS of fresh vegetables. This is putting a huge strain on the food budget, so I'm hoping to ease that by growing some of my own.

There's another reason I'm growing my own veg this year. Over the last few weeks, I have come to realize that I am ridiculously sensitive to even minute traces of corn. The slightest amount causes joint inflammation, disorientation, headaches, and exhaustion.

My Arch-Nemesis... dang, that looks delicious.

If you think dairy and gluten are tough to avoid, wait til you try cutting out ALL corn. It's in EVERYTHING! Modified food starch, dextrose, citric acid... all of these ingredients are most likely derived from corn. Citric acid was an especially frustrating, although enlightening, find. I've known for a while that Hunt's Garlic & Herb tomato sauce affected me, but couldn't figure out why. The ingredients all looked clean. I started avoiding it and cooking with plain diced tomatoes or tomato sauce. Much to my confusion, I was STILL reacting to foods. Finally, two weeks ago, I realized that the ONE common ingredient (besides tomatoes, duh) was citric acid. Although it can come from other sources, in America it's typically made from corn! Since then I have scoured store shelves for a citric acid-free canned tomato product. Nothing. Even the organic brands boast a "naturally derived" citric acid, but I hardly trust that vague distinction. Looks like I'm going to have to can my own tomatoes in order to have a product I can trust.

As of that wasn't a big enough kick in the stones, just last week I found another product I can't have. I was getting a pretty big headache one day, despite eating nothing but pbj on grain free bread. The bread? Totally safe, I made it from scratch. Peanut butter? I only buy Krema brand, which has one ingredient. Jelly? It was my homemade apple peel jelly (still one of my favorites!). Let's see, the jelly had apple peels, tap water, white sugar, a small amount of spices and... pectin. Uh, oh. I checked a box of pectin, and sure enough, the first ingredient was dextrose, a corn-derived sugar. All those jellies and jams I canned up last summer? Can't have them. At all. After all the love and effort that went into them, this was seriously depressing. Thank GOD I also have apple butter, which does not contain pectin. It has become my one sweet treat.

Now, I know there are people who might be saying, "come on, the amount of corn that would actually be in an entire batch of jelly, never mind a jar, never mind a sandwich, can't possibly be affecting you!" If you're saying that, you're in good company, because even my dear, supportive Hubby is having trouble grasping just how sensitive I am. Some days, I worry that I look like a hypochondriac, even though there is no denying the physical effects I feel. I have eaten foods without carefully reading labels, and just by how I felt 15 minutes later I could tell you there was something in it I can't have. So, doubt me if you like, I would certainly do the same in your shoes, but my body is shouting loud and clear to lose ALL corn products.

There's always an up side!

On to more positive news, my sudden burst of positivity (and a clean kitchen) has me finally tackling the problem of an adequate diet. Cooking 100% grain and dairy free is a real challenge, especially when you have a normal-eating husband and two kids to feed as well. Virtually everything that passes my lips has to be made from scratch, and I'm even picky about what brand of chicken I buy. (many are injected with "broth" to enhance flavor, but there's no telling what's in the broth. My biggest question is, how lousy does the meat taste that you have to inject flavor?!) I am tinkering with quite a few recipes, and when I finally get the results I'm looking for I will be sharing them here. I'm also completely out of the habit of menu planning, and want to get back in to that.

Speaking of planning, I am also working on getting my household binder back up and running. I developed a pretty good system that, potentially, could work very well for me. It's going to take some effort, because my schedule is going to get very busy very soon. AC will finally be getting in to speech therapy, starting next week! I can't wait! Although he's much better than he was a year ago, he could still use the help. What I'm NOT looking forward to is the drive. Twice a week, an hour away. Yuck. I did find out that there's a Whole Foods very close to the therapy building, and since I've never been to one I think I'll be making a stop after AC's appointment. Mommy needs field trips, too!

Ok, enough chatter for today. Maybe next post I will get around to showing you my progress in the garden. To save money I am tilling up the whole thing by HAND! Not an easy task, but I am actually enjoying the exercise! I love SPRING!

Jumping the Gun and Food Woes

Pretty table, no food. :(

You know what? I need to stop leaving these mushy blog entries and then dropping off the face of the interwebz. Things seem to shift constantly, and the minute I make up my mind about something (and blog it to the world), the situation changes. I doubt I'll learn my lesson anytime soon. Fair warning.

In our last exciting episode, I came to the dramatic conclusion that I needed to try and elimination diet or go full GAPS. Fast forward about a week, and I go in to see my Doc. Long story short- I'm not doing the elimination diet. Prognosis was that my liver is doing better, thanks to the supplements I'm taking. The supplements aren't actually directed AT my liver, instead they are there to do the job of the liver, so it can focus on healing itself. At least, that's how Doc explained it.

Next up is my digestion. I am clearly not digesting a vast number of proteins, and I'm likely not absorbing other nutrients properly, either. Eating well and continuing with my supplements was all Doc recommended for this month, but typical me I couldn't leave it at that. I went back to my old research on healing digestion, and will be trying to incorporate some of it into my daily life. Since I'm not set on what I want to do, I'm not going to post anything on it yet. I don't want to give out bad info.

An additional issue is that my PMS is still lasting a beastly two weeks. Pretty much from ovulation until the end of my period. I'm pretty sure Hubby thinks he's married to two completely different women. Poor guy. He's been so patient with me, despite how awful I am. If I heal nothing else, I would be content to get rid of this involuntary nastiness. Once my hormones shift, my mindset completely changes and I become more pleasant and energetic; but during those two week...yeesh. Re-balancing the hormones is going to take full recovery of liver and digestion, so I expect it's going to take quite a while to see results there.

As an aside, I think hormones had a lot to do with the pessimism and sappiness in my last post. It'll probably happen again in a week or two. Fair warning.

Back to healthy eating- it has been a BATTLE to eat properly lately! There are still mystery foods that affect me, and I am treading very lightly in an effort to avoid any reactions. As a consequence, I find myself eating very little at all. I never seem to have the time or patience to stock food for myself, and when I do find the time I waste it staring at Pinterest trying to figure out what to make! I think I have a problem with something in Almond Breeze almond milk, despite the fact that the kind I buy doesn't contain xanthan or guar gums. I have been using almond milk for my coffee, but realized I was more tired AFTER drinking coffee than I had been before it! Caffeine fail. After trying straight coconut milk in my coffee, I have officially decided to give up on creamer. OH! And Walmart stopped carrying the ONLY brand of coconut milk I could find without gums or stabilizers. *sigh*

Also, I think walnuts make my throat swell up. Not so much that I worry about my breathing, but enough that it's uncomfortable when I swallow. Again, *sigh* Thank goodness I don't have this problem with almonds, or I might cry a little bit.

The upshot is I spent last night with three wonderful ladies, two of whom are going through the same mess that I am (and one who is a lucky, dairy eating, bread munching punk; but I love her anyway.). Through our chatting and mutual lamentations of trying to eat ANYTHING, we talked about getting together to exchange/test recipes. Woohoo! It's so much easier to deal with dietary struggles when you have a friend! I'm hoping I can get organized enough to blog about some of what I make, but no promises.

In fact, I look forward to adding far more projects, crafts, and recipes on here this year. The last few months I haven't been energetic enough to accomplish anything (tried three times to crochet a hat for Hubby, I gave up.) but my brain is always whirring away with ideas. I'm already getting my garden seeds started and planning my garden, not to mention seriously considering a bathroom facelift. Hopefully my body and attention span cooperate! So, friends, look forward to more of my exciting adventures! Same Bat time! Same Bat channel!

Goodbye, Rooster Sauce

Oh, you wicked rooster, why do you hate me? photo credit

Whoops! February got away from me. I suppose I should check in on my dairy/grain free attempt. I've actually spent the last week with a head cold, which is making this whole "pay attention to your health" thing rather difficult. If my spelling or grammar is erratic, this is why. I no think good right now.

So far, I have learned that there are far more things I am sensitive to than i realized! In fact, I'm struggling to be sure that even ruling out grain and dairy is enough. I've had more down days than up these past few weeks, but the two truly good days I had were enough for me to realize how much I am affected on a daily basis. I'm pretty sure I have an issue with corn, and I'm 90% sure (but not willing to test the 10%) that I have a strong reaction to xanthan gum (which, if you didn't know, is derived from corn).

What kind of reaction? In short, I get a little stoned. Yes, you read that right. The longer I pay attention to my diet and my body, the more I have been able to identify my symptoms. The two times I had xanthan gum recently, within half an hour I became extremely tired and slightly disoriented. My eyes were heavy and I often had to blink to get them to re-focus. After thinking about it, this is what I feel like nearly every single day! I  am perpetually struggling to think clearly and linearly, to the point that most days I can only attend to the boys' basic needs. There have been far too many times in the past year when I was out driving and felt slightly... un-focused, I guess. It's hard to describe. I never understood why, it's not like I drink or have any other issue that would cause impairment. Prior tests said there was nothing wrong with my blood pressure or blood sugar, so I could rule that out. There was never an instance where I thought I was unable to handle the vehicle or navigate traffic, so I never worried for my safety. But still, I could tell I was not fully "aware," if you will.

Being able to attribute this to a food reaction has really opened my eyes (pun intended) to how careful I need to be with my food intake. The second time I accidentally ate xanthan gum, I found it at the bottom of the list of ingredients on my beloved Rooster Sauce! And I had only eaten MAYBE a teaspoon TOPS. Whether I am simply more sensitive to the xanthan form of corn or all corn, I don't know. Clearly, I will need to make sure even minute traces are out of my diet if I hope to see improvement.

Has all this diet fuss been worth it? Yes and no(ish). Because I seem to react to each food differently, I would never be able to identify them all without peeling back each layer one at a time. My only frustration is that I did NOT get that three-day turnaround that I got last time I went gluten free. In fact, every day seems to be a roller coaster of clear moments and pure exhaustion. As careful as I have tried to be, I will still find myself reacting to meals that should be safe, and what's worse, I don't know which of the 5+ ingredients are the culprit!

I'm starting to think an elimination diet would be worth the frustration. I've contemplated an elimination diet before, in fact GAPS Intro is very much like an elimination diet. Each time I have considered it, I have always talked myself out of it, and I know why. It has been so complicated, expensive, and isolating to cut out grains and dairy, that I absolutely DREAD cutting out any more foods. It's all I can do to feed myself right now, but to take more of my building blocks away would be devastating! What if it's coconut? Or tapioca starch! (my go-to grain sub right now) Or worse, what if I lose eggs????

I know, I know. The truth is, whether I know that a food upsets me or not doesn't change the fact that it is affecting my health. It simply pushes me to act accordingly if I want to be healthy. And that's what it all comes down to. Do I want to FINALLY be healthy, energetic, clear-headed, and HAPPY? YES!!! A million times, yes! Well then, Maria, you are going to have to accept the difficult task of MAKING IT HAPPEN. Nothing good can come without sacrifice.

Dear Mystery Reader (who possibly got lost googling for balsamic pickled asparagus and is now wondering what this lady is rambling about) I must confess that by the time I finish writing a blog post, I am not so much talking to YOU, as I am talking to MYSELF. I started this post simply to journal the last few weeks, but in the end found myself deciding that I need to try a full elimination diet. this was not planned. The thought developed as soon as my fingers began typing the words. This blog, folks, is turning into 75% therapy for me and 25% fun projects for you. I'll have to remedy that soon, for your sake. Thank you, dear Mystery Reader, for listening to my problems. You're the best imaginary friend a girl could have.

Learning to read, and Goal #2!

Today, instead of rambling aimlessly about my heath, I want to talk a little bit about my boys.

I can't tell you the number of times in the past that I have tried to engage AC in activities of any kind. He is just not the kind of kid to sit through structured activities. He throws fits over any authority, and is quick to declare "I CAN'T!" A pox on whomever taught him THAT little phrase. It took years before he would color for fun, and even then he prefers a blank sheet of paper over a coloring page. Rather than force him to sit down with me, I opted to let him go at his own pace and follow his lead. When he becomes interested in something, I try to encourage it and offer ways he can explore further.

This won't always be the way I handle him, mind you. Eventually he's going to have to learn that there are times you have to do what someone ELSE tells you to do. However, I firmly believe that each child has a different learning style, and when it comes to education there is more than one right way to learn.

AC is four now, and has recently become interested in writing his letters and sounding out words. He's known his alphabet since he was two, thanks to The Letter Factory DVD. I know many parents don't care for TV in general, but this video was so clear and engaging that it only took a week of obsessive watching for AC to be able to identify each letter and it's sound! Although, in hindsight, I should have been more involved in that week, helping him see how the sounds are properly formed. It's hard to understand how to make an 'L' sound from a cartoon. Being the stubborn little butt that he is, I never got to really expand on the alphabet with coloring pages, handwriting practice, and whatnot.

Fast forward two years, and we were given The Talking Words Factory DVD, the sequel to Letter Factory. AC didn't show much interest in it, until all of a sudden a few weeks ago he wanted to watch it non-stop. It must have suddenly clicked to him, and he grasped the concept of stringing sounds together to make words. Not only was he saying these sounds together, but lo and behold, he was starting to WRITE the letters on his own! He spent three whole days glued to his little magnetic drawing board, writing CAT. He would frequently hand the board to me, and ask me to write letters and words for him. In return I would write simple three letter words and, to my maternal delight, he could sound them out on his own!

Not wanting to let this opportunity go to waste, I have decided to start offering beginner phonics and vocabulary activities. The tricky part is making them simple enough that he can do them on his own, but they aren't so structured that he gets frustrated and gives up. Not an easy task with my boy.

All of this has made me realize how little I've done with Butters. Butter is a completely different child and an exceptionally quick learner. Because of that I think I forgot that I had to teach him anything at all! I realized that Butters is now two years old, and by that age AC had mastered his primary and secondary colors, shapes, and of course his alphabet. Butters hasn't mastered any of these! I'm not trying to say that my boys should be learning at the same pace, but I know Butters has the mental capacity to grasp all of this fairly quickly. He's also more likely to let me teach him, if only for five minutes before he runs off after his brother!

I now have quite the goal ahead of me. Despite my exhaustion (which is definitely back, by the way, and I may know why, but that's another post) I need to focus on teaching my boys. AC will be preschool age this fall, due to this September birthday. I fully intend to homeschool him for as long as I am able. That will require me to have a teaching plan, as well as getting AC accustomed to doing projects because Mommy said so!

This, then will be my second goal for the year: understand AC's particular learning style and prepare for preschool this fall. I also need to focus some time on teaching Butters the basics and observing his learning style as well. Lots to do, but I am excited to help my boys grow!

A little update

Random picture to brighten your February. Mmmm, feels like home!

As of right now, I have been grain and dairy free for 2.5 days. Well, with the sole exception of my Rich's dairy free coffee creamer. Silly me forgot to check the label, it's chock full of corn syrup. Hmm... I have no intention of cutting out my beloved coffee just yet. It's as much a comfort food as it is my sole source of morning energy. I should find a truly grain free substitute, but for now I'll let this be my one cheat.

In the meantime, I have been monitoring my body like a hawk. My old blog posts say that I felt a tremendous difference after only three days. I'm praying that I have the same experience this time around. So far, not much to report. There might be a slight uptick in mental alertness today, and my back didn't hurt as much as usual when I woke up. My neck and hands still feel like crap though.

What have I been eating the last few days? Not much, to be honest. I'm basically banking on the three-day turning point to get myself back on my feet. Grain and dairy free dinners are the easy part, where I struggle is with breakfast and lunch. I made quiche muffins on Tuesday. They got old quick, but were a perfect easy breakfast/snack. I made a batch of grain free granola and that has been a BIG help! Yesterday's breakfast consisted of an overripe banana mashed with a bit of almond milk until it reached a yogurt-like consistency, and then topped with roughly 1/4 cup of granola. It was glorious.

Today, I'm hoping I can stay focused enough to make two large batches of lunch items. I'm thinking sauteed onions and cabbage with kielbasa, and then maybe a pot of soup to clean out the fridge. If I have time, maybe some grain free wraps for sandwiches or breakfast burritos. Yum. The sudden lack of grain in my diet is "slowing things down," so I need to make sure I'm getting enough high-fiber veggies every day.

Not much else to report, but for now it's more important that I keep a careful record of how things progress. I am paranoid that a new sensitivity will rear it's miserable head. Keeping a food & mood journal will help me find anything that my forgetfulness would prevent me from noticing. Adios!

Goal #1, Eat Right!

Nom nom nom...

Ok, so this is a pretty stereotypical New Year goal/resolution, but considering my health, this is me getting my act together after a really tough spell. Last October I had a really rough cycle. I was completely unhinged and emotional, and my ability to focus was shot. I started eating dairy and wheat whenever I damn well pleased. Lucky for me, it has taken these last three months for it to start to affect my system. I think the instability was due to a thyroid supplement my doc had me on. No mas, por favor.

Of course, with holidays and the chaos of eating at other tables, I decided it would be easier to stay off the wagon. Not gonna lie, it was beautiful. At Thanksgiving I enjoyed a traditional antipasto, complete with luscious, soft mozzarella. Totally worth it. Of course, the store bought stuff isn't nearly as good as truly fresh! When I was a kid, my dad's cousin worked in a cheese shop in New Jersey. Oh man, you haven't lived... Cheese so fresh, it would squeak slightly when you bit into it. So creamy... I would grab every piece off the tray I could get away with, while my aunt taught us to put black olives on our fingertips. We're special.

Anyway, back to NOT eating awesome foods (whimper). Slowly but surely, my symptoms have started to reappear. Mild, chronic headaches are back, although thankfully very few migraines. My arthritis has begun to flare again, and that one I'm 75% sure is due to wheat. For the short time I was off wheat, I realized that my hands didn't ache in the least! I hadn't even realized how constant the ache was until it was gone! Now that it's crocheting season for me, I am really sensing how quickly my hands fatigue.

I don't think I mentioned my gluten free kick on here, so here's a quick recap. [Update: I actually mentioned it here.] Sometime this summer, I decided to go off gluten for a few weeks and see how I did. This of course launched me into experimental baking mode. I made many GF breads, cookies, muffins, and such. I even found some that I liked. There was only one problem. Ok, two. First, I was getting frustrated with having to use four different and expensive flours, plus pricey xanthan gum, in order to bake anything. It was a hassle to keep enough of them all on hand, and then they had to be mixed in a particular ratio before I could even start baking! Second, one or more of those flours did not like me in the least. I'm pretty sure my body was flat out incapable of digesting it.

[TMI warning- All the baked goods seemed to ferment in my stomach, and I would have hours of rotten egg-flavored burps and equally offensive "wind."]

Given the number of flours I used, I still don't know which one affected me. I could have experimented to find out, but decided that was simply too much effort. I <3 lazy. Either way, I eventually had to stop. I was grossing myself out. And so ended my foray into gluten free baking. Next stop, grain free!

I have been dabbling in grain free baking over the last few months, but plan to get serous about it in a few days. My two main staples will be almond and coconut flour, plus I'll probably throw in some tapioca or potato starch for kicks. The biggest downside to grain free baking is that sandwich bread will never be sandwich bread. Ever. At least with gluten free there were grains that could mimic the texture of wheat bread. With grain free, forget it. It's pretty depressing, to be honest. But, if it improves my health, I'm willing to let it go.

 All of this blabbering is leading somewhere, I promise.

My current objective is to develop an eating plan. My dietary outline looks something like this:

• No dairy. Obvious sensitivity, causes headaches, exhaustion and difficulty concentrating.
• No grain. Gluten likely causes my joint pain, and possibly other symptoms. Since standard gluten free baking disagrees with me, I will try grain-free for now.
• Low soy. No sensitivity that I'm aware of, but since my hormones are out of whack I want to be mindful of my phytoestrogen intake. Plus, tofu is gross.
• Increase intake of DR recommended foods. I need to up all veggies, but I'm focusing on these in particular:
• cabbage, broccoli, kale, and all other brassicas.
• onions
• beets
• sweet potatoes
• and others I can't remember because I just realized I lost my list... I'll add them when/if I find it.
• Increase intake of complete proteins and fats. If there is one thing I crave, it's meat heavy dishes. My current diet is very low on both fat and protein (assuming I eat at all). The mornings I have eggs for breakfast, I am much better than when I have even the healthiest cereal. USDA be damned, I want fatty foods and red meat!
• Be mindful of, but don't limit carbs. My body just doesn't have enough stores to run off of right now. Unlike many people, my body has a frustrating LACK of fat. After my epic fail while attempting GAPS intro, I refuse to severely limit my carbohydrate intake, or at least for no longer than 2-3 days. However, due to a family history (and some personal experience) with insulin imbalance, it would behoove me to avoid empty calories like large amounts of refined sugar.

My next step is to take all of this mess and figure out what I'm going to eat. The biggest key to succeeding in any nutritional plan, is to surround yourself with enough of the good stuff that you won't resort to the bad stuff. I need to cook breafast options the night before and fill the house with snack and lunch options.

But, most importantly, I have to find a grain and dairy free cookie. Because right now I think I deserve one for finishing this stupid post. It only took me two weeks!